Sunday, May 20, 2018

The Philosophy of Extremism, Principle 1: Extreme Shitting


This is a collaborative piece between David C. McLean and myself.

Dear Reader,


You may find it odd that the first principle in the philosophy of extremism should appear in the third volume on the subject. Extreme shitting is not for the faint of heart, nor the novice. It is not surprising that we progress from small cock shaming to shitting, also no coincidence.

The Philosophy of Extremism, Principle 1: Extreme Shitting

The primary goal of the philosophy of extremism is to aid in the elimination of feces. Technique #1 is my personal favorite, one akin to an asana in yoga. I sit on the toilet and push as hard as I can out of my bowels. There might be considerable, but low, grunts emitted. At this point, if the shit has not at least crowned (crowning is the most important sign of a satisfactory bowel movement, though in certain circumstances the crown, due to constipation, stays in one place, fixed as it were, in the anal opening), it becomes necessary to release your breath completely, almost as though you are giving up on the shit entirely. Then after you’ve caught your breath, push hard and you will feel the crown, in all its glory, turned into a large mass of feces, or, when constipated, a series of rock hard turds in succession, plopping away merrily into the toilet as you flush, stomach emptied.

David recalls an experience that profoundly traumatized him. He had eaten Swedish bread that is basically unleavened, and served in round cakes. He had eaten a whole two pounds of this garbage together with a hard mature cheese, only one pound of this. The shit-baby took two days of labor. He was obliged to hold the ring and raise his whole body with his hands while screaming curses and praying to Baphomet to at least abort and torture the foul fetuses of Xian scam as some consolation. When the shit came he swore to never suffer constipation again unless heroin was involved.

The person we elsewhere refer to as Backsplash admonished David for his profane language during the whole proceedings. Since the feces, so David assures me, was monochromatic, the bitch should have kept her mouth, as well as her anal gob, firmly clo
sed. 


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