Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Noses and Hysterectomies

Before I could talk, crawl, or even lift my head unassisted in the crib, my mother tried to kill me. After this attempt at death-producing asphyxiation, she left for Peru with a diarrhea-blonde aunt of mine, wealthy enough to buy a baby there, one she would raise with her husband, my alleged father’s brother, otherwise known to me as my uncle. He was unable to accompany his wife, the blonde aunt, to Peru, reason unknown, though perhaps related to accumulating money working as a lawyer in an uppity suburb of what will remain an unnamed state.

My alleged father also had a sister. Unfortunately, though she had no beef with Judaism, the hook nose that she inherited from my alleged grandfather… Well, it could not be tolerated. After she started college, perhaps on winter holiday at home, she replaced the Jewish nose with a perky smaller model, one fashionable in most circles. This led her to fall in love with a goy, which in my alleged father’s family was a huge error.

My alleged grandmother forbade my alleged aunt (you see, my paternity is unknown to me, so I use ‘alleged’ a lot) from marrying the man she loved, sending her off to law school to meet a proper Jewish man. Of course, with the goy nose, she was a looker. She picked a husband before she graduated. They had two children, my alleged cousins, though much younger than me. One was male, the other female. There was no incest at this point.

(My family is prone to marrying one another, as was the case with my alleged great-grandmother, Betty, whose parents were first cousins. I was also once proposed to by a cousin, Nate, a man I hardly knew, so I laughed at him for the funny joke.) When I went home and told my mother about Nate’s proposal, she said, “Aw, Nate, he’s such a nice boy.” I was sickened to the core, this even before I knew that my mother had, unbeknownst to me until lately, abused me sexually, forcing the dread incest upon me.

I feel ill from writing this, so ill, in fact, that I must take a laxative and flush my bowels. Please, excuse me.

My alleged aunt’s eldest child, the daughter, just recently married, was permitted to marry a goy in her twenties. Like her mother, my alleged cousin had had a nose job relatively young to escape the loathed hook of my alleged grandfather. It must not have been difficult to attract the goy, a man with an interest in children’s television programming.

But I can attest that neither my alleged aunt, nor her daughter, photographed before their nose jobs, had the hook that was so feared, a wealth-hindering hook, one that could make an alleged grandfather fat and rich.

After my alleged grandmother committed suicide, my alleged aunt remarried, a goy of course, you know, that button nose and all, this time becoming the wife of a crooked banker, who hated the sight of unused tampons visible in a hotel bathroom. She had more work done on her body, and had a radical hysterectomy, leaving only her vagina, which I assume she used to urinate and have sex.
These surgeries made life simpler for my alleged aunt and alleged cousin, though the cousin has not yet, as far as I know, had a radical hysterectomy.

Of course, though my mother, does not hesitate to scream, “whore, whore, whore,” at me, she does, however, take the side of my alleged aunts in removing their internal organs to satisfy the dislike that their long-term johns, or ‘husbands’ as they are known to the ‘rich and famous,’ feel for menstrual products.

I was abused by my younger half-brother for most of my life, being told I had the ‘Jewish nose,’ while he had a button nose. One day, later in our lives, having reached facial maturity, we sat at a Hell’s Angels bar. The biker next to him said, “Hey, man, sorry, but what the fuck happened to your nose?” That stopped the comments from him regarding the size of my nose, though it bothered him greatly, not as much as my alleged aunt and alleged cousin though, as he was a man, or so my mother claimed, with movie star looks.

To Be Continued...

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